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Kerner says it’s not uncommon for him to see couples in truly sexless marriages, but more common are general issues around desire.
“As a sex therapist, desire is certainly the number one issue that I deal with.” So where do these desire differentials come from, anyway?
As a Yulu poster writes, “Other than those members who have moved on and out of their marriages, there are very few success stories.” Another poster, who recently filed for divorce, writes, “I’ve browsed this subreddit for a while …
by and large, it seems the answer is to, ‘Get out.’”But there is the occasional happy ending.
“Do I end 5 year marriage with a person who really is my best friend, or do I accept that I may live my life only having sex a couple of times a year,” writes a 32-year-old woman.
Kerner sees lots of couples move beyond sex ruts with the help of therapy and what he calls “behavioral homework,” but these message board conversations tend to encourage posters to get out of their sexless marriages.
“They still have desire that leads to masturbation or that may lead to sex with other people, but many men actually have low desire for their partners,” he says.
,” “So sad – sexless marriage” and “Yet another guy stuck in a sexless marriage,” for example. I know my husband is a porn addict and is on sex hook up sites yet doesn’t want me. He makes me feel like an ugly old woman just sitting out in the country waiting to die.” Rejection is a common theme: “But even when I think the mood is right and I try to initiate, she just brushes me off like I’m a dog trying to hump her leg,” writes one man.Reddit, of course, has a thriving community, Dead Bedrooms, with more than 24,000 subscribers.As with most Reddit communities, it has its own language and shorthand.There are ladies lamenting that their husbands frequently beg out of sex because of a “headache.” Role reversals like whoa!There are the predictable bits, though: Plenty of women lament that the hubs watches porn but shows no interest in having sex.